... the beginning

Here starts the story of a girl; whom some despised and feared, some looked down on her, but there were others who loved her, more than anything else. Here's a tale of an ongoing life. Here is the life i live. And here, i will show you a world. A world, which may be boring and dull,maye even eventful, thoughtful and heartwarming. But it is a world full of love. Even if, some of you know this about my life, still I feel this story needed to be shared, to be heard (read) by many more.
This is the story of a girl who has been, is and shall always be , the centre of my life... the core of my family.

Who am i ? Well i am taking a backseat now, this is not about me. I am a viewer and the narrator - the sutradhaar.
Its difficult to start telling about someone, who has been as synonymous as i.
Let me try from the beginning.

She descended to this world, twenty two years ago.
I remember Ma, saying that, she did not undergo any pain during her first delivery. The girl was born, as white as milk. She had dark curly tresses. She was a doll, so cuddle-some that anyone would love her instantly and wish to fondle her. Maybe, she was as beautiful as the moon. But as they say, nothing is perfect, and everything is accompanied with some flaws; maybe the same happened to her.

Maybe, you are wondering why i am not addressing her with her name. At our place, a baby is named on the twenty first day, and i haven't reached that part yet.
Within the first two weeks, Ma noticed that the baby was not as active as they usually were. The baby was unusually quiet and still. She was not feeding well either. At some times, she was getting minor fits; mild seizures. The place where she was born was not a developed one. And the doctors who diagnosed her ,said, that there was nothin to worry about.

Then auspicious naming ceremony came. There were some arguments . They had split opinions in the choices. But then they settled for Amrita ... whom we all call Guddi.

In spite of the doctors' views Ma was not convinced. Guddi was taken, to a bigger hospital in the city. A neurosurgeon confirmed that, Guddi had cerebral palsy. And that, it was incurable.
I was not born yet, so i never knew how many days and nights Ma had wept. She must have felt like a bolt out of nowhere. Ma has always been a mild mannered woman. But when such a thing happened to her, she could not help, but feel totally lost.

How she spent the next couple of years , i have no idea. I was told that, Guddi had problems speaking, and she could not walk. She was weak in her left leg and hand. Even after two years, Ma could not get any idea, if Guddi even recognized them, except that Guddi seemed comfortable with Ma and Baba. Guddi had not even called her "Ma", not yet. So, after two years,when Ma knew she was soon to expect another child, she was totally nervous. She did not wish to take any risk, and she gulped down all kinds of powder, dark fluids, even those which tasted horrible to her and which she would have never tasted in normal conditions. Till now feels that, she could have helped Guddi, if she had been more careful during her first conception. She had nobody to guide her either, during Guddi's time. My grandma had paralysis at that time.So during my time, Ma prayed like hell(an oxymoron) for a son. She was not against a girl child. But as the society feels, a daughter has to leave her home someday, Ma wanted a son to look after Guddi. More-soever, because at our village, people were not accustomed to an "abnormal" child. They were not comfortable with Guddi. For them, she was just a burden.

On the slated date, Ma was rushed to the hospital. The doctors mentioned that, there was a risk in the operation. Ma's blood pressure was reducing drastically. The operation finally ended , and lo, i was born - loud and healthy. Ma said that, when she regained her senses after my birth, she was too shaky and drowsily asked to see me. On seeing me she had cried a lot (tears of happiness if you are doubting). She says, that, she miraculously recovered immediately, when she was discharged.
And where was Guddi while all this was happening? She was at home, with my aunt,(Ma younger sister). Aunty was too young, so she felt dirty cleaning up Guddi . So she had literally wrapped up everything (with Baba's new unused dhoti) for my ma, to clean when she returned. Well, Ma did clean them.
Ma says that, when Guddi was brought up to me aftr my birth, she was told to put a little amount of sugar in my mouth. It was said, that doing such, enhances sibling love from the very beginning. Maybe, that explains why i have a big sweet tooth.
Ma was very anxious and nervous in the first few days. She got tensed if i stayed put and freaked out if i was too silent. She obviously was doubting if i had some symptoms as Guddi. Thankfully, i turned out to be healthy. I was named like a derivative of Guddi. My name - Amit ... Gudu.

I walked and talked as the time came. Guddi still lagged behind. But hopefully, the doctor said , "Your daughter will show improvements because of your son. Do not lose hope and you need immense patience. Just have faith."

Baba got a walker for Guddi. It was a wooden tricycle, which was to be pushed ahead. Guddi found it very amusing. And Baba daily massaged her left leg with the prescribed oil. And did i mention? All this while, Guddi was under medication, to reduce her seizures.

But Guddi and i, gelled really well. Ma says that, when i was born, Guddi wanted to hold me in her lap. But i was heavy , and she was weak. Ma says, she would immediately spread out her legs and i would fall with a small thump onto the floor or bed or whatever lied beneath. Luckily Ma always anticipated this.
Slowly Guddi learnt to talk , more-soever by seeing a growing toddler in the house. Ma says, that it was pure ecstasy when Guddi said that, she wanted to go to the loo for the first time. It conveyed so much to Ma, that Guddi can now actually tell something, about what she felt. But still, she had a long way to go... Even now. And yes, Baba's massage bore results. She did walk, and its because of him that, she can walk now. Though she still has a weak left hand.

And as i began knowing things, i saw her as my twin. She was always there. As existent as Ma and Baba. I do not remember ever questioning her illness. Ma says, she and i used to walk around hand in hand. And i cried whenever anyone took her away to fondle her. I feared, they were taking away our Guddi. I was given a tricycle which had a carrier at the back. I rode while Guddi sat behind me. Well, that was fun.
Fast forwarding a few years, in my junior school days, on every Independence Day and Republic Day, on every friend's birthday, i never came home with a single packet of snacks or one chocolate. I always said, i needed an extra for Guddi. Even on a neighborhood party when Ma could not accompany us, Guddi and i went over and i remember feeding her.

She is always loved. And she in turn loves all, in her own way.

This was just an introduction and a peek into my world. Guddi herself, can never realise how pure and good she is. I can not imagine a life without her. Its like, i have come into this world because of her. Maybe, i have not given you an apt insight. But trust me, i will try to show you the world, i intend to show. A world which has its ugly faces, but is still beautified by people as Guddi.

And today, on her Birthday, i pray God to help her always, to give us all strength - to endure hardships -and value and enjoy whatever is in our hands in the present. Amen